Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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