I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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