My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
