I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
