She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
