The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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