So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
