just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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