I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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