Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
