Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
