I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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