i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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