You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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