Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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