She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
