According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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