You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
