you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize