I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
