so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
