so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
