One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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