i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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