i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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