and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
