I'm going to jail i love you
he was CRYING into my vagina
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
