i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
