I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
