Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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