Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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