I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize