I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
