Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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