Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She bit a glass in half.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize