there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
FUCK WHALES
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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