I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
