Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
