shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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