Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
