either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize