it wasn't lemon gatorade
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
