The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
