You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
