she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
