the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
