we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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