i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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