my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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