It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize