new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
