All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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