We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
