I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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