How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
