Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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