he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
