I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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