so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
