hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
