thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
