Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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