i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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