I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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