all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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