apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
