I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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