I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize