he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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