what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
