i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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