If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
