the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
