It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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