just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
